Witty Surprises from Multilingual People That Left Others Speechless

20. More Silence

I have another one. Different city but the same backwater Chinese background.

I take the long-distance bus to go see a customer.

At the end of the ride, the driver goes to the trunk and hand over the baggage and check that your token number is the same as the one on the baggage. Everyone is in front of the trunk, the driver is turned toward the trunk and can’t see us.

So I am in hurry and ask the driver to take out my blue bags because I need to catch my train. The driver takes it out, turns back to hand it over and…

I am in the middle of both hands toward him.

He looks at me, obviously confused.

Then he looks to my left. no one seems to be interested in the bag.

Looks back at me, I am waving my hands like “give me, give me”

Not convinced, sure that was a Chinese who asked for that bag he bends himself to look to my right. Everyone looks bored and waits for their bag.

Turn back to me.

(Silence)

(More silence)

“That’s yours?”

21. Chinese Candidates are Preferable

I once interviewed for a part-time school holiday job, together with a good friend of mine. My friend is Chinese, the majority race in the country I live in. I, however, am quite clearly not.

The first thing the HR manager says when he sees me is “We need someone who speaks Mandarin”, a criterion not stated anywhere in the employment ad, and which subtly translates to “Chinese candidates preferred”.

My friend, while ethnically Chinese, speaks little to no Mandarin. I, on the other hand, speak it rather fluently.

Probably as a test, the HR manager decides to field us questions in Mandarin, clearly intent on cutting me out of the interview.

My friend turns pale, as he stumbles along to answer the question posed in whatever halting Mandarin he can scrape together.

The manager then turns to me, rather arrogantly, waiting for my reply.

It gave me great joy to tell him straight to his face “Thank you for the opportunity, but clearly I am not the right candidate you are looking for to fill this position since I am not Chinese” in crisp fluent Mandarin.

The look of bewilderment on his face was priceless.

22. The Waitress Could Tell

I recently went to Japan for my first-ever international trip and was totally prepared to have to struggle through all my day-to-day interactions in Japanese but was surprised at how widespread even a basic understanding of English is over there. Everyone assumes you won’t speak any Japanese at all so they stick to as much English as they’re comfortable with or you basically just play charades.

At a restaurant in Kobe, the waitress was practically fluent in English so we chatted for a while and it came up that I’m studying Japanese so we had a little small talk and she was impressed. Then the owner came over to talk but wasn’t as confident in his English so he had the waitress translate. He was asking all these questions about where we’d been so far, where we were staying, how we liked everything if we’d been down to Kobe Port yet, etc. It was simple enough that I understood 100% without her translation, and the waitress could tell. Finally, she says to him, in Japanese “By the way, he understands what you’re saying.” His eyes practically bugged out of his head and he got SUPER excited and asked if we wouldn’t mind waiting 30 minutes for him to close up and send everyone home.

So, I wait, he closes everything up and we all end up hanging out that night. He drove us around the city, bought us drinks, and even drove back to the Airbnb. Japan is amazing.

Zhongguo

23. The Most Judgemental Look

Back in 2010, I was at the Hmong New Year in St. Paul/Minneapolis with my family when this happened. This event is pretty big and there used to be literally thousands of Hmong people there, it’s an event where we basically celebrate our heritage. I am Hmong (Southeast Asian), but I look like I’m Hispanic just to give you some background. Anyways, I had to go to the bathroom because y’know, I’m only human and all. When I went to go wash my hands, these two older guys (probably about 35-40) come in and as soon as they see me, they say something (in Hmong) along the lines of, “These d*mn Mexicans thinking they can come to our New Year. Maybe we should call the cops to take him back home to Mexico, hahahahahaha.” Well, in comes my cousin by sheer luck so I ask him in Hmong, “Hey, where did you guys go? Last time I saw you guys was at the ball tossing area (it’s this weird courting activity that involves throwing a tennis ball/softball while flirting).” We end our very short conversation and then as I was exiting the bathroom, I made absolutely sure that I gave the most judgemental look ever to those two men. It worked like a charm and you could tell by their facial expressions that they knew they messed up.

alor95

24. I Guess it Was a Gut Feeling

Was walking to class with my girlfriend when we ran into the janitor who also happened to work with my girlfriend at Home Depot. They greeted each other in Spanish and then the janitor asked in Spanish ” is he the same one or the other one?” She looked at me knowing I knew what she said and tried to laugh it off.

As that happened we both walked into an elevator together because we were heading to Spanish class together. When we got in the elevator I got pissed and questioned her. She seemed to be just as surprised as I was about the whole situation and claims she didn’t know why she would say that. No, I didn’t break up with her and we’ve been dating for over a year now. I assume it’s because a couple of weeks prior, we ran into this same janitor who had seen me with my girlfriend for the first and said something about I was cute. A couple of weeks later with a beard and haircut she probably forgot what I looked like so I blamed it on that. Nevertheless, was wary about the whole thing and she has even questioned why I never thought more about it. Gut feeling I guess

25. It Was Not What They Expected

I was on a tour bus with my grandmother going to a luau in Hawaii, my grandmother spoke fluent Italian as both her parents were Italian immigrants. Two young women behind us were speaking to each other in Italian, probably assuming none of the other tourists could understand them. My grandmother told me (I don’t speak but a few words in Italian) that they were insulting everyone on the bus. She let it go on for a while but just kept getting angrier and angrier as the ride went on. Finally, she turned around and told them off, telling them they should be ashamed of themselves for being so rude. They looked so embarrassed and apologized to her profusely. Getting told off by a grandmother on a tour bus was not what they expected.

26. On-the-Spot Hiring

He was in Kuwait with his wife and 20 dollars to his name, applying for a job with a big hotel company I believe the Marriott. He interviews all in Arabic and he waits in the lobby to talk to the final guy for the job. Two of his previous interviewers walk past him and say in French “what’s he still doing here he didn’t get the job?” My grandfather then stands up and says “if I didn’t get the job why did you have me sit and wait here for no reason?” They look back at him and say “you speak French? You are hired”. One of my favorites!

reddituser

27. Love you, Mom

My family and I were flying to Greece from Houston to visit family, and two groups are also on this 10hr flight: student ambassador middle/high schoolers, mostly girls, from the US, and a youth male Greek soccer team. And of course, they were all sitting by us with their chaperones at the other end of the plane.

The boys are hitting on and flirting with these girls about 2-4 yrs younger than them, all over each other. They moved seats so they can sit with the girls, and they were so loud and obnoxious that the whole plane was pissed off (except the crew who did f*ck all about it apparently).

The boys were also talking amongst themselves in Greek. My mother speaks fluently from years of Greek school and many a summer raised in the Peloponnese hillside.

At some point, while all 3 of us are just sitting there reading, sleeping, trying to watch the tiny tv at the front of the plane and listening over these kids constantly talking, my mother jumps up and goes over to the group and says:

“These boys are calling you fat and stupid. They also think American girls are so easy. By the way, he (she points at the one guy who was the most all over this one girl) is 18. They have girlfriends waiting for them in the terminal. Now shut up so I can sleep”

They all shuffled back to their appropriate seats, silent. Best flight ever after that.

I love my mom.

reddituser

28. “I Think You’re Cute Too”

Uplifting one. I’m white and I was at a bar in Beijing dancing with a couple of white friends, when I overhear a girl telling her friends I’m cute and deciding whether to say hi to me.

The thing about being white in Beijing is that you stand out in any bar you’re in. Don’t even have to be attractive.

I know Chinese from study and exchange so after like 10 minutes of on-and-off dancing near the group, I leaned in and said “I think you’re cute too” to the girl in Chinese.

29. Join in the Laughter!

I was in an elevator going back up to my apartment after working out some two years ago and I had a man bun at that time. There were 6 other guys in the elevator speaking Arabic so I just listened as I usually do. Then, one of the guys goes, “Haha. Look at this guy’s hair. It’s ridiculous.”

I turn around and respond, “You want to say that again?”

The five other dudes proceed to die of laughter with one of them screaming, “I knew you were Arab! I knew you were Arab!”

I ended up laughing alongside them to their one friend who felt super awkward.

30. “No hablo Ingles.”

I once worked as a door-to-door salesman for a concentrated multi-surface cleaner made from enzymes or somesuch. I get it, people don’t like being bugged at home, but just tell me that and I’ll be on my way with a “Sorry for bugging you at home.” Don’t lie to me.

This one guy one day interrupted my pitch with “No hablo Ingles.” So I backtracked, apologized and began my sales pitch, completely en Espanolish. When he heard a couple of sentences of this, he said, “No thank you, we don’t want any cleaner.” To which I replied, “No hablo Ingles.”

31. All is Good

When I was teaching kids in Japan, I would only respond with “English only” to their Japanese, I did this for a few reasons:

1. To make them think I didn’t speak Japanese.

2. To make them use English more.

3. So I could scare the crap out of them once I decided to speak Japanese.

Some kid in an English school didn’t do his homework, when I asked him for it, he told me in English that he “forgot” his book. He then turns to his classmate and says in Japanese that his book is in his bag and he didn’t do his homework because he couldn’t be bothered. I said nothing.

Come to the end of the class, his mother is waiting in the reception, along with my Japanese manager, so I tell the manager in English that he didn’t do his homework, I hear the conversation between the kid and his mom – with him giving the same “forgot” bullsh*t.

So, I just say in perfect Japanese “Why are you saying you forgot the book? When I asked you in the class, you told the other student that it’s in your bag and you didn’t do the homework, because you couldn’t be bothered. I’m sorry, didn’t you know that I could understand Japanese?”

Mom opens the bag, finds the book, smacks the kid on the head with the book and tells him to sit in the reception doing his homework. Kid cries. All is good.

32. Shocked and Embarrassed

One time my best friend and I were people-watching at the mall, and we randomly started rating the men around us. In sign language, of course. There was this one dude sitting near us and we start rating his looks and his body. I said that he looked like he had a nice butt and that his eyes were really beautiful, with the color of the deep ocean. so I rated him a 10/10. Then he came over to us and then told us in sign language: “Thanks for the compliments, ladies. you really made my day, haha.” We were both so shocked and embarrassed.

33. Concerning the Rude Woman

A lady on the bus was being a b*tch and slagging people off in Greek until she got to me. She was being excessively nasty about my chipped nail varnish, I don’t know either maybe she was having a bad day. As soon as I clocked it I turned around and looked her dead in the eye with my very Greek face and she stopped. She then sat in the seat in front of me where I sat and called my mom, also Greek, who I had a conversation with for the duration of the bus journey about the rude lady who slagged my nails off because she thought I couldn’t understand, in Greek. It was delicious.

34. The Look of Horror

My grandmother, who grew up in a Yiddish-speaking household, but does not look particularly Jewish, lives in an area near a large Hasidic community. She has many stories of people saying all sorts of things in Yiddish assuming that she can’t understand but I have one particular favorite.

She was in the supermarket and a little Hasidic boy of about 3 or 4 is wandering around, clearly lost. He sort of nuzzles up against her skirt and says “Mama mama,” in Yiddish. She replies in Yiddish that she’s not his mom but he can come with her and they’ll find her together. The little kid looks up at her with a look of horror and runs away screaming “Mama Mama! The shikse speaks Yiddish!”

35. Don’t need it From Strangers

Went to a taco shop with my SO; the kind that has half the menu in Spanish, and the other half in English. Only two people there spoke English. SO is Hispanic, but doesn’t speak Spanish. I’m Jewish, but I studied Spanish for 5yrs, and am quite fluent.

We order to-go and are sitting and waiting for our food. We’re right by the kitchen, so I can hear what people are saying in there. My ears perk up when I hear “gringa” (I’m the only white woman in there), so I, of course, start listening.

At full speaking volume, I hear these two ladies talking about how a nice Mexican boy doesn’t need to be dating “a skinny white b*tch”, and how it’s embarrassing that we’re together. Now, at this point, we’ve been waiting on our food for about 25min. I see one of the ladies walking out, so I go ask her, in Spanish, if our to-go order would be ready soon.

If she had a tail, it would’ve been tucked between her legs. She very quietly said “I’ll go check” while not daring to make eye contact. I’ve never seen someone get too sheepish.

The kicker? They messed up our order. I went back and told them that maybe if they spent less time talking about their customers, and focused more on their orders, I wouldn’t have had to wait so long for my food to be wrong; all in Spanish. Petty? Maybe. Still felt good. I get enough crap about being a mixed-race couple from my own family, I don’t need it from strangers.

36. Uncle’s Jaw Hit the Floor

My uncle has a good one. My family are originally from India/Pakistan and speaks Urdu, but my mom’s family moved to rural Arkansas in the late 70s. It was a really small town, like never seen brown people small, but they ended up living there for over 20 years.

Anyway, when my uncle was in high school, they had a math teacher from Japan. One day the teacher was berating my uncle for something (in English of course) and my uncle got mad and cursed him out in Urdu. The teacher replied very calmly, in Urdu: “don’t ever use that sort of language in my class again, understand?” Pretty sure my uncle’s jaw hit the floor. He didn’t expect a Japanese guy living in a small town in Arkansas to speak Urdu.

37. It’s the Hair

Well, I’m an African-American guy in Tennessee with a big afro and a deep voice. That being said, I’ve been teaching myself, Russian, for the past few years. I’m not fluent yet, but I’m getting better. My boxing coach of 4 years was Russian and spoke it to me often enough.

So, I work at a small wine and spirits store downtown in my city. Because of the location, most tourists who stay at the local Sheraton and Marriott come visit us because we are so close. Elvis week some time ago brings in people from all over so we always get tourists. These two Russian guys come in looking for not vodka. I show them the Talisker Storm and they decide to take a look around for a while. I poured them some wine samples we had out as well and reassured them I’d help them find whatever they wanted. As they were walking around they were saying in Russian how nice the store was and how nice I was. The taller one even complimented my hair lol. They brought up the Talisker to the counter and I gave them a discount. The taller guy asked why and I responded in Russian “Because you like my hair”. They both turned super red and started laughing saying I’m awesome. Then we went by the growler station and they started telling me about Russia while we drank Ghost River. Good times.

reddituser

38. A Delightful Experience

39. In an Effort to Profit

40. The Convenience Fee Vanished Overnight

My mom is half Filipino and half Chinese, and we lived in Hong Kong for most of my childhood before we came to North America, so we’re all fluent in Cantonese. One day, my mom was trying to send money to relatives back in Asia through Western Union. The teller at the desk was a portly Chinese man. My mother had an argument with the man because he was trying to charge her some arbitrary “convenience fee” of $10 that she has never been charged for before. They fight over it for a while in English, going back and forth. Eventually, another employee comes, and asks the teller my mom was arguing with “What’s going on?” In Cantonese. The teller proceeds to say “this stupid b*tch refuses to pay me, I can’t get her chubby *ss out of here”. At this point my mom is livid. She takes a deep breath and calmly answers “well maybe I’d leave if you let me send money to my family, and stop charging me extra so you can buy lunch for YOUR chubby *ss.” Both employee’s cheeks turn red and suddenly become extremely nice, grovelling and praising my mom’s fluency in Cantonese and nervously laughing and repeating “we didn’t know you were Chinese!” over and over. The convenience fee suddenly disappeared.