The Ultimate Collection of the Most Savage Comebacks Ever

64. Good Day

I was with a friend about how he was going to come out to his parents and some guy came up to us and started ranting and talking down to my friend. In the middle of the guy talking my friend said: “I’m sorry sir, but it seems like you are trying to engage in a battle of wits with us but I cannot in good conscience fight with someone who is unarmed in this field. Good day sir.”

65. One Day

Back in middle school

Girl: You have boobs

Me (M): Don’t worry, one day you will have them too

Her friends around her burst out laughing, she started crying.

66. Not For You

This honestly probably gets buried but I wanted to share anyway.

My parents first met when mom was freshly divorced and dad was getting divorced. Both are in bad places, and both are sassy as they all get out. Dad had an ‘86 Corvette that he adored, and one day he drove to my mother’s place of work for an interview.

He pulled up in his Corvette, in perfect view of the window where she was sitting. When he walked in, she looked at him and said “I don’t like your car.”

Dad’s response was “Well I didn’t buy it for you.”

They began dating shortly after and had a wonderful time together.

His proposal when his divorce was officially finalized was, “My divorce was finalized today. You have 24 hours to decide if you want to marry me.”

They’ve been married for over 35 years in January.

67. Shoot Him Down

My brother and his friend were at some party and there was a gaggle of hot babes that caught everyone’s attention.

They were both intimidated, but the friend worked up the courage to go up to one of them and say, “Do you want to dance?”

She looked him up and down with a snotty expression on her face, clearly about to shoot him down. She says, “What did you say?”

He goes, “I said you look fat in those pants“

68. Eyebrow Game

Me and some friends went into a gas station convenience store for some snacks once. These two girls outside are arguing (like friends arguing, not hostile). We go in to get our snacks to come out and all of a sudden one of them YELLS,

“You’re just mad that my eyebrow game is stronger than your relationships!”

And that’s the story of how I nearly had an asthma attack for the first time in over 10 years.

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69. Pretty Great!

I worked with an old cranky guy who always had great comebacks.

He was at a party with his new wife when her ex-husband walked up to him and asked, “So, how’s it feel being married to my used goods?”

My coworker replied, “Well, it’s pretty great once you get past the used part.”

The ex-husband just got a pissed off look on his face and walked away.

70. Condescending Way

My wife and I took our girls out to meet my wife’s side of the family. On our first day staying at her brother’s, he was making everyone breakfast. My daughter who was 8 had us busting up laughing. He was trying to ask her if he needed to make her a plate but he ended up talking to her in a slightly condescending way. So he asks “Do you need me to make your plate for you?” she replied, “No I’ve had food before.” One of the funniest things to happen on the whole trip. Was so good.