1. In a Horror Movie
Met a woman through OKCupid, we traded a few messages, moved to text and then talked over the phone. She seemed pretty normal. Fast forward to the first actual meet-up and it’s going well, but something seems a bit off. She’s asking me all kinds of questions about income, job, what my rent costs, etc. I dodge most of them by changing the subject or giving vague answers. She straight-up tells me that she’s ovulating and wants me to impregnate her. I mean, under different circumstances, I definitely would have, but I hardly know her. She started talking about how many kids she wanted to have, how I’m so perfect, and so on. This was a small town that I worked in for a year because of work transfer and career advancement.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom, flagged the server down and paid the bill, said “this date is going down like a Russian plane in a snowstorm,” and tried sneaking out. She saw me as I was making a fast walk to the door and leapt up from her chair and started running. I was running to my car like one of those scenes in a horror movie, complete with fumbling with the key fob to remotely unlock the car. Hopped in, started up and got out of there. I heard her yelling for me to come back because we were going to have a family and make lots of babies.
Blocked her on OKCupid and blocked her number on Google Voice. Thank god for Google Voice.