Getting Even: The Petty Revenge Stories You Need to Hear

35. The Sparkly Truth

I mailed my sh*tty ex-best friend an envelope double stuffed with glitter and a note saying “I know what you did”. I wasn’t referring to anything in particular, but she lies about practically everything so it was enough to mess with her for a while.

36. Counting out Revenge

I had a falling out with a housemate and decided to move out. He informed me that he would not take a check for the balance of money I owed him (final month’s rent, my share of the utilities, etc.). So I paid him the $300 or so in cash. A big pile of $1 bills, all crumpled and dumped on his counter during the lunch rush at the deli he owned. Made him count it out and write me a receipt.

37. Taking Out the Trash

My roommate in college was disgustingly messy and a raging b*tch. When I had the flu once, I left a blanket and sweatshirt in the living room to keep warm.

Woke up to a text along the lines of “You’re a disgusting pig. The apartment is a disaster. Get all of your belongings out of the living area or we’re going to have a problem.”

And honestly, if she had nicely asked then fine. And if she weren’t insanely messy then fine. But she had to go full-out b*tch.

She had forgotten that I had provided all of the furniture for our apartment. Couch, table, TV etc. All “my belongings”.

So, while she was in class, I called up some friends on the football team that occasionally helped people move for spare cash. We loaded up every single piece of furniture onto their truck and just parked it a few blocks away on the street.

Cue my roommate coming home to an empty f*cking apartment. Screaming at me and calling me names. I just told her I was following her orders and I moved out “all of my belongings”. She was dumbfounded and really had nothing to say.

Obviously brought the furniture back hours later. But certainly proved my point.

38. Do It Anyway

My boss sent me an email where she said my performance of a task was incomplete. I politely replied that, according to my notes of our discussion of the task, I had done all the things we discussed but please let me know what I missed so I could complete the task.

We went back and forth 2 or 3 times, her hinting that I’d missed something, me replying to please just let me know what it was.

She finally replied with the missed expectation (which I’d inadvertently omitted from my notes) and accused me of “trying to create a paper trail to establish that you’d completed the task.”

Rather than responding that I’d literally asked her for guidance in completing the task in every interaction regarding the task (thus admitting I hadn’t completed the task), the next morning, I got in early and took an index card and created a little paper trail between her parking spot and her office.

39. Singing My Way to Silence

I was at the gym today, minding my own business with my AirPods in, music up loud, so I could drown out the sound of the television which they keep very loud. My gym is very tiny, the cardio room has 8 machines in it. The older guy on the machine next to me was on the phone talking louder than the television, so I could hear him even with my music playing. I was trying to be nice thinking maybe he had an emergency or something, but after about 15 minutes, I was really annoyed. Other people even started leaving because it was so obnoxious. So, completely out of character for me, I started singing at the top of my lungs, purposely out of key. The song on my playlist at that moment was “She Wants to Move” by NERD. I think the guy got the point as he hung up shortly after I started “singing”. Don’t mess with an introvert.

40. Spicing Up Their Pizza

Years ago when I was 17, my loser boyfriend, sisters and their boyfriends were hanging out at our house on a hot summer evening.

My mom and dad were out of town so we were hungry and called up Pizza Hut for a couple of big pizzas which had to be picked up because there wasn’t delivery back in the day. Pizza Hut was about 6 miles, through major tourist traffic, and not one of those a**h*l*s would come with me to pick it up. And, they were mean about it to my face. They stayed home while I drove through insane traffic for their stupid dinner.

So. I got the pizza, sat down and ate two pieces, doused the rest in parmesan and crushed red peppers and drove home and delivered their now uncomfortably spicy pizza. Them yelling at me was pretty funny.