Breaking Free from the Vault of Secrecy: Anonymous Confessions

Fake It ’til You Break it?

I lead a large team that seems to respect me and look up to me to lead the company to success, but I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time.

I’m trying my best and put up a good facade but when I’m in the bathroom I silently scream and I want to punch myself.

The company is not doing too bad, but at night I toss and turn that it’s all going to come crumbling down and I would have wasted everyone’s time and I’ll be revealed for the fraud I am.

I then step out and put up a smile and make a joke and people buy it and congratulate me for my positivity. Inside I hate myself.

Lilly’s Love Triangle

A year ago, my fiance and I adopted a 4-year-old dachshund girl. She came from a family where she wasn’t treated very well. She was especially afraid of men. She would shake, hide and pee herself when any men would come close to her or move too fast.

Lilly and I were bonding pretty fast, but it took ages until my fiance was allowed to touch her. Whenever we came home together, she would run straight to me and ignore him. He is the nicest person in the world and I know that this situation really hurt him.

So every time when I would hear his car in the driveway, I made a big show of dancing, wiggling my butt and running to the door and back like an idiot. Lilly would get just as excited as me. She would run to him, happy and excited. It took only a few more weeks until she bonded with him. Right now she is sitting on his lap and getting belly rubs. Lilly is a good girl.

Between Passion and Reality

I’m an elementary teacher – I love my kids. Most of them are fantastic, I enjoy every minute with them and it really is my happy place just hanging out with them.

Unfortunately, I’m also really tired of dealing with the kids who need so much extra. I understand that they have a lot of trauma and need a lot of love and boundaries and patience and everything else. I used to love working with those kids and I got really good at it. Good enough that I have a reputation as a teacher that can help all those kids.

But I’m losing my love for teaching because of them. It was different when it was just 1 or 2 kids a year. Now it’s 10 or 15 kids with severe challenges. I know how to help them, but I just don’t have the energy to anymore. I can’t fix all of them and it’s overwhelming.

I’m thinking of leaving the profession. But I just started a program to get a 2nd degree to further my career. I would feel like such a failure if I left now.

I’m just tired of spending 90% of my energy on 10% of my kids and making such little progress. If I spent that 90% of my energy on the kids I wanted to, we could accomplish awesome things.

A Confession Of A Hug-hater

I hate human touch. I’d rather be covered in roaches than have my arm held by my mother. Everything inside me makes me want to punch whoever is touching me or push them down to the floor. Why?! Why does it happen? I want to show affection to my family but I can’t just let them touch me. It’s not too bad if I know it’s coming, but when I receive a surprise hug or a tap in the shoulder, I start screaming so they will back off.

I am perfectly fine with my dog, though. I hug her regularly and pretend like I’m crying (cause she will let me hug her longer if she feels that I’m sad). I love interacting with her, but not with people. What is wrong with me?

At Peace With Letting Go

When I was younger I lived with my grandmother. Not long after I turned 18 her health started to decline, that sort of decline that you know means she won’t be around for much longer. Over the months I did my best to take care of her. Getting her to the hospital when she needed it, and other things. We had someone coming every day to help her with things I couldn’t.

Well, what my family doesn’t know is that the night she passed, I was in the living room watching TV. My dog was in bed with my grandma, and I started to hear him whimper, and bark. I knew what was happening, I knew that if I acted I could potentially save her. I didn’t want to watch her suffer anymore though, to watch her live with so much pain, and be unable to do anything for herself any more. So I made the choice to let her pass before making any calls.

She lived 92 years, and the only regret I have is that she passed a month after I would have graduated if I hadn’t been kicked out of school. She had been in good enough health at the time to go to my graduation. I still kick myself for how stupid I was back then.

A Heartbreaking Story

A friend in high school had a baby that her family decided to raise and take custody of, but the way I found out is something I’ll never forget.

It was impressive how under wraps the whole thing was, and it seemed believable that her parents would’ve had another baby (she got pregnant at 13). I dropped by one weekend to drop off an item my friend loaned me for prom and saw that a birthday family was going on for the toddler.

Her face was a mixture of emotions. I didn’t know if she was in pain, upset, or angry… it seemed like everything was running through her at the same time. When I asked if she was alright, she just broke down and started crying. She cried about how hard it was waking up and calling her son “little brother”, and how hard it was to know she was so unfit to be a mom, that her parents wouldn’t even acknowledge the fact that biologically, it was her kid. I just listened and let her cry.

We never spoke about it after that. I don’t think there was any need to. There’s no way I could understand what she was going through. But I will always be there for her if it comes up again in our lifetime.

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The Heartwarming Deception

My grandmother is blind but doesn’t like to accept help. Whenever I stop at the grocery store, I call her to ask if she needs anything. I buy whatever she needs but when she tries to pay me back I say “grandma you’re not going to believe this but they were having a deal where you get a free Greek yoghurt (the thing she asked me to pick up for her) when you buy a sugar-free Red Bull (the thing I went to the grocery store for in the first place) so you don’t actually owe me any money for the yoghurt!” She fell for it the first couple of times but became suspicious of my shenanigans after a few of these incredible deals and started to force money into my hand. She always put too much money in my hand like a $10 bill for a yoghurt so I insisted on giving her proper change. Because she is blind, I was able to give her more money than she gave me without her ever realizing it. She felt good because she had “paid me back” and I felt good because I did a small thing for the tiny blind woman who has done more for me than I could ever begin to repay. My sweet grandmother passed away in April and I’m sad I can’t walk into her front door saying “grandma you’re never going to believe the deal they had at the grocery store today!” but on the other hand I’m so happy she never found out about my other trick of giving her more money in “change” than she gave me.

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A Floral Lie

My stepdad died in January. June 23rd would have been their 20th wedding anniversary. She has been so down since his passing. Also knowing the things he did to “prep” before he became bedbound. (Taking her car and having it serviced and brand new tires, filling the cabinet with the hard-to-find sort of expensive dog treats, etc). I had a big BIG floral arrangement sent to her on their anniversary day. Signing the card “I’m always with you.” And threatened the floral shop with life and limb to NOT tell who came in and paid for it. She was so happy.. she thinks he thought of it but really it was me. I’ll never tell.

TeenieRee2032

The Dark Thoughts

I regret having a kid. My son is a really awesome kid, but I feel like a terrible mother. I have constant anxiety. I feel like I’m constantly angry. I’m constantly stressed. I feel like I have to be perfect for my son all of the time. I constantly feel guilty for everything. On top of that, I hate making dinner every night and trying to give my kid healthy variety. I’m lucky he isn’t a picky eater. I hate that I have to ask him a question 4 or 5 times before he will answer it (he is 2 almost 3). I miss my free time. I miss being able to go out and do things without having to pack a huge bag of crap to keep my kid entertained. In the past few months, I have started to think my kid would be better off without me. That I should pack a bag and disappear. At least then he wouldn’t grow up with a mother who is angry and yells all the time. But I won’t leave. I love my kid and I live for those moments when he is just so sweet or makes me laugh that I can’t imagine leaving him.

thrownawaynov2019

Alone and Unhappy

My happiness is entirely dependent on my social interactions. Whenever I’m alone I feel like the dumbest sh*t out there and can’t even go off my bed. I live in a dirty mess because I can’t even wash my room or even myself or my teeth. But when I’m around people I like, It all goes away, and on the opposite side. I’m overconfident and feel like I’m a hot, confident genius. I feel like I matter to them, and project friendship unto acquaintances. I’m really happy whenever I’m around those people, or around one of my three real friends. I may be too happy, I never did drugs but I think what I feel is that “rush” addicts talk about. As soon as they’re gone or do anything that breaks the illusion of being friends, I feel like crap once again.

Falling Out Of Love

That I don’t love my wife at all. I love her as the mother of my kids but I have grown so tired of her ignorance, anxieties, fears, and overall controlling nature, as well as general disregard for the fact that I too exist for more things than to provide for her the lifestyle she wants. But mostly because the one time in my life I asked her to step up and help, she told me she’d rather divorce me than do it.

So I fell out of love with her at that exact moment. It was over 3 years ago.

She doesn’t know that if I get this new job I’m working for, I will have the financial resources to end our marriage and we can both be happy because I’m so detached that she’s not happy either. We both deserve happiness, we just can’t give it to each other.

The Blessing Box Boomerang

Where I live, there is a place called the “Blessing Box“. It’s a cabinet where people can drop off canned and dry goods to help feed other families. My wife and I hit some hard times financially and had to rely on the Blessing Box to feed ourselves. Made a promise to myself that if I ever came into some extra cash, I would return the blessing.

Later on, I scored a well-paying temp job and was able to catch up on a lot of bills right before Thanksgiving. Remembering the promise I made, I used my next paycheck to fill the Blessing Box to the brim with a variety of canned goods. Everything a family would need for the holiday. A few days later, the Blessing Box was featured on the local news and how an unknown donor provided enough food to feed over a dozen low-income families for the holiday. My wife and I have never told a soul that it was us.

When You Just Know

I met this guy about 6 years ago through a friend. We all hung out twice a few months apart. After the second time, I drove the 4 hours back to my town and had lunch with a friend. Friend asked how my trip was and I told him about this guy and that I’m pretty sure I’m going to marry him. Not in a creepy stalker way like “I’m going to make this happen” but like in an “I don’t know why, I can just tell” way.

Two years later that guy and I moved to the same town (separately/coincidence – I moved and he moved a few months later). He’s now my fiancé and I still haven’t told him, or anyone else in the world, about that conversation I had at lunch 6 years ago.

Banking on Surprise

I have a secret bank account that my husband doesn’t know about and a small percentage of my paycheck goes into it every time I get paid. My husband stresses about debts and feels like we don’t do enough to save/pay off said debts. I hope I can keep it a secret for a few years so that on his birthday or for Christmas, I can just make the financial stuff he worries about disappear. Maybe by then, we’ll have it taken care of already, but we can have a nice vacation and get a head start on retirement funds instead. My husband grew up poor and has a lot of anxiety around money – it would be nice to be able to give him that “I’ve just won the lottery” feeling, even on a smaller scale.

From a Cage to a Home

I stole a black cat from one of the sh*thead neighbors in my old neighborhood. They had the momma cat get pregnant and then kept all the kittens outside in a cage. Now it gets really hot where I live, so having black fur and a small 4’x4′ enclosure with barely any water and dry ass food with bugs all over it isn’t gonna keep you alive. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to take the rest of the kittens since they had passed away. $2200 in vet bills later and now I have a very loving cat to keep me company.

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